Thursday, December 01, 2005

personals ad from hell

Okay, so I have a personals ad. I've only met like, 4 guys from this thing, one is promising, a few were nice but there weren't any sparks, and one was a total a**hole. I get some messages from divorced fathers, some from 40 to 50 yr old men looking for a twinkie in the city (Friends anyone?), and occasionally some from the crazies. Here is a message I got back in July from one of the crazies. I did not edit the content (other than omitting the email address and phone numbers he left). Enjoy.

"Dear friend:
Hi , I did find your profile from internet ,my name is Larry Miller , I am living and working in Houston Texas as manager of service company my work no. is (***), I have a town house in Houston west side close to Memorial Shopping Mall ( it is in a gated community, with 24 hours guard on duty, very safe part of city) it is a new ,and very large shopping mall , I am 5' 11" with my shoe and cloth on ,and weight 186 lbs with my clothes on , Iam caucasian , dark hair ,and light skin , I do not drink or smoke ,do not have any criminal conviction on my records, and I donot get mad easily ,and easy to get along and member of a local Baptist church, I am always respectful toward others especially toward people that are close to me ,and I have never left a relation on a bad terms , and usually do not keep grudge against any one,, , and I am single and looking ,do not have any children , but I do like childrens , I do have pet rabbit he is snow white with pink eyes , my hobbies are reading ,jogging tv Discovery ,and National Geography are my favorate channels , ,do it yourself projects , I wish to invite you to come to houston and visit me, to see if you like this city or not , when you come and visit me and Houston if you wish I can get reservation for you at a local holiday Inn for your peace of mind , my home ph. *** , cell
no. ***, e mail ***. cordially larry Miller
p.s. if you decided to go to any local schools / colleges, i will pay your tuition too ,also include your ph. no. in your reply letter , writting back and forth is waste of your time ,, if you do not know it by now"

I actually had one of my coworkers call his cell # and judging by his accent, he must be from the middle east somewhere. So I sincerely hope that the whole thing was a joke, but sadly, I don't think it was. Although the whole 'paying for my college tuition' thing was pretty intriguing, I had to pass on Mr. Miller. Gave me a weird 'not without my daughter' vibe.

Anyone else have a fun personals ad story?

2 comments:

Becky D said...

Haha, YES! This letter was great!!! Once I got a letter from some Chinese man that was along the same lines. He wasn't quite so eager beaver, though! Haha. Actually, the tone and bad grammar of this letter remind me a little of Ahmad! We should holler at him over the holidays and see if he'll take us out to dinner...or pay our way through college!

James Y said...

Man... That's weird.